END OF THE WORLD (Just My Luck)

by Eric Schwartz

 

(LIGHTS UP)

 

(There is a commotion off stage. There is a radio center. It is

apparently playing the music.)

 

DAN

(Off stage) Dammit!!!! I hate it when this happens!!!

Help!!! Help!!! Ron! Ron! Can you here me? I'm out of

toilet paper!!! Could you bring some down?!?!? Great! I

guess I'm looking forward to a nice quiet afternoon on

the John. God that is the last time I have mexican food

after ten at night. Jeeze what a mess.

 

(The song stops. The announcer comes on. He's hysterical, almost crying)

 

ANNOUN

Ladies and gentlemen. The government has jsut released

information that a nuclear attack has been launched

against this country. We have approximately 5 minutes

until impact....(breaks down into tears).......

 

DAN

WWWWHHHHHAAATTTT!?!?!?!?!?!

 

ANNOUN

I'm ....sorry.....( the radio goes dead)

 

DAN

I knew it!!! World wide armageddon ... and I stuck on

the pot.

 

(Ron staggers in. He's quite obviously drunk)

 

RON

Oh God... Dan... didja hear?

 

DAN

Yeah!!! Get me some toilet paper!!! I don't what to die

like this!!! Please!!!

 

RON

(Belch)

 

DAN

Aw no!!! You're drunk!!!!

 

RON

I... only had a few!!!!

 

DAN

Oh this is wonderful! Look Ron, pull yourself together

long enough......

 

RON

They actually did it Dan... They actually pushed the

button.

 

DAN

Oh God.... please Ron ...(speaking slowwly) Go

upstairs!! Get me some toilet paper!! I refuse to die

like this! They won't let me into heaven like this.

I can see it right now.. "Daniel Thomas

Roland....whew..is that you?!?!" Now get me some toilet

paper!!!!!

 

RON

Man, I wish I was you.

 

DAN

Oh God, please tell me this isn't happening.....

 

RON

Stuck in that cramped, windowless bathroom... unable to

see the chaos in the streets. The suicide, the

murder...

 

DAN

Ron, listen to me!!! WE don't have much time left...

Get me something... I WANT to see my doom!!!!

 

RON

It's not worth it man, ( He exits mumbling) It's all

over.

 

DAN

RON!! RON!! Oh God!!!

 

(there is a loud rumbling)

 

DAN

RON!!! Hello? Ron did you pass out!! You drunken idiot.

 

(The rumbling gets louder , It build and builds until.)

 

 

(Just when you expect the explosion....)

 

LIGHTS FADE TO DIM

 

(DURING DIM)

 

MUSIC

HEAVEN AND HELL - VANGELIS

 

GOD

Daniel Thomas Roland? (heavy echo)

 

DAN

Yes....

 

GOD

You......What is that smell.

 

BLACKOUT