END OF THE WORLD (Just My Luck)
by Eric Schwartz
(There is a commotion off stage. There is a radio center. It is
apparently playing the music.)
(Off stage) Dammit!!!! I hate it when this happens!!!
Help!!! Help!!! Ron! Ron! Can you here me? I'm out of
toilet paper!!! Could you bring some down?!?!? Great! I
guess I'm looking forward to a nice quiet afternoon on
the John. God that is the last time I have mexican food
after ten at night. Jeeze what a mess.
(The song stops. The announcer comes on. He's hysterical, almost crying)
Ladies and gentlemen. The government has jsut released
information that a nuclear attack has been launched
against this country. We have approximately 5 minutes
until impact....(breaks down into tears).......
I'm ....sorry.....( the radio goes dead)
I knew it!!! World wide armageddon ... and I stuck on
(Ron staggers in. He's quite obviously drunk)
Oh God... Dan... didja hear?
Yeah!!! Get me some toilet paper!!! I don't what to die
like this!!! Please!!!
Aw no!!! You're drunk!!!!
I... only had a few!!!!
Oh this is wonderful! Look Ron, pull yourself together
They actually did it Dan... They actually pushed the
Oh God.... please Ron ...(speaking slowwly) Go
upstairs!! Get me some toilet paper!! I refuse to die
like this! They won't let me into heaven like this.
I can see it right now.. "Daniel Thomas
Roland....whew..is that you?!?!" Now get me some toilet
Man, I wish I was you.
Oh God, please tell me this isn't happening.....
Stuck in that cramped, windowless bathroom... unable to
see the chaos in the streets. The suicide, the
Ron, listen to me!!! WE don't have much time left...
Get me something... I WANT to see my doom!!!!
It's not worth it man, ( He exits mumbling) It's all
RON!! RON!! Oh God!!!
(there is a loud rumbling)
RON!!! Hello? Ron did you pass out!! You drunken idiot.
(The rumbling gets louder , It build and builds until.)
(Just when you expect the explosion....)
LIGHTS FADE TO DIM
HEAVEN AND HELL - VANGELIS
Daniel Thomas Roland? (heavy echo)
You......What is that smell.