ASK A STUPID QUESTION

Every once in a while I get one of these damn quizzes via the internet. I hate them . I hate them more than anything else in the whole world. I hate the people that send them. They're usually the same people who stumble drunkenly up to you at a party and proclaim, "Don't mind me! I'm weird." When I answered this and returned it to the co-worker who sent it to me, all she could do was chuckle at me and shake her head. Then she went back to forwarding people her list of funny bumperstickers. Fight the quizzes people. Here's my modest blow in the fight. Heh heh...modest blow.

NAME: Eric Schwartz
SEX: If you feel it necessary 
LIVING ARRANGEMENT: In nearly constant, paralyzing fear
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OUIJA BOARDS?: They're ECTO-RIFFIC!
YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW?:  Test Pattern (I know there's some 13 year old out there saying "what's a test pattern?")
WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?: Crumbs & coffee stains
FAVORITE MAGAZINES: Overweight Semi-Pro Comedians Monthly
FAVORITE SMELLS:  Bea Arthur
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD:  Bea Arthur
BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD:  Bea Arthur
FAVORITE  SOUNDTRACK:  Birth Of A Nation
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE IN THE MORNING?  Brian Dennehy
DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS?: Not while I'm writing this.
ROLLER COASTERS-SCARY OR EXCITING?:  Both!! They're SEXCITING!
PEN OR PENCIL? PEN! If the pen is mightier than the sword, think of what it can do to a freakin' pencil!!
HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?: One ring to rule them all and in the darkness bind them.
SON'S NAME:  Jesus
DAUGHTER'S NAME:  Pebbles
FAVORITE FOODS: Processed
DO YOU GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS: A long what?
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?:  Can't we ALL just get along?
FAVORITE ICE CREAM:  Ben & Jerry's Sloppy Seconds
FAVORITE CAR: The one that mows down my enemies.
DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?:  Depends on the guy.
DO YOU SLEEP WITH STUFFED ANIMALS?:  I'd sleep with anything.
WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?: Green Machine.
IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON, DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?: Donny Most
FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK:  Booze
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SIGN?:  The seas turning to blood and the sky as black as saccloth
WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE POET?: Nipsy Russell
DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?: I eat the stems of everything.
GUYS, IF A GIRL ASKED FOR THE SHIRT OFF YOUR BACK,  WOULD YOU
        GIVE IT: Yes, along with marinated strips of my own desecrated back fat.
IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD IT BE?: Test subject at Fluffer school
IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD IT BE?:  Clear
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?:  No. I'm married.
WHAT IS ON YOUR WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?: Crumbs and coffee stains
ARE YOU A LEFTY, RIGHTY OR AMBIDEXTROUS?: I'm an inny.  
DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?:  I type with someone else's fingers.
IF YOU COULD BE ONE GARDENING TOOL, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?:  A compost heap
WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?:  What's not?
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER?: Aught.
WHAT IS YOUR DREAM CAR?:  The one that mows down my enemies, repairs all the front end damage automatically and sterilizes away any DNA evidence.
FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH:  College Women's Volley Ball


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