Private party gigs can be some of the best. True, they can be 
strange and frightening (I’m sure you will be hearing about 
Quincy IL in time). For the most part I find them to always be 
fun and we always get paid (my mother’s party not withstanding). 
This gig was going to be a breeze. It was a private birthday party 
for 3 friends at a golf course. Steve and I went and walked the site 
a few days before. At first it was thought that we’d be performing 
but the patio wasn’t really a good spot. Finally it was decided 
that we would perform in the main foyer. No sweat. Half an hour 
of our most rock solid family material? No problem!

This was going our first gig without Mo so we spent most of the 
afternoon rehearsing so people could learn new parts. Dan had 
never done “The Classics” so he had the most work out of all of us. 
We all congregated in Keef’s basement and ran the show a few more 
times. Chris Foster came in to do tech. With most parties start 
times can get a little fuzzy but we all gave ourselves some extra 
time and arrived at the location about 2 hours early. The only place 
to set up our soundboard was in the coat check. There were some coats 
in there but no one was working. This meant that Chris would use the 
coat check window as a booth window and it was positioned right 
behind the performing area. Set up didn’t take long. I set up the 
table with the CD’s and booking pamphlets and went to relax in the 
bar. That’s when time started to drag. Chris had to shoo kids from 
the party away from the sound equipment. I got more and more nervous 
as time wore on. . Finally I was relaxing on the floor behind the 
coats. Eventually we got the signal and it was time to go.

It was a good size crowd. 60 –70 I think. I could be wrong. We 
opened with Hokey Pokey, which was still shiny new from GLASS EYES 
in September. They loved it.  We followed with Rhetorical Q&A. This 
was the one that scared the hell out of me. The host was always 
Dale’s character and this was my first time. I managed to do it 
without the note cards. The audience ate Dan up as the winning idiot. 
I’m not sure where The Classroom came into the set list… but I’m 
surprised we survived. Part of our customization of any private 
party is to throw the names of some guests into the material. 
A perfect spot is the roll call at the beginning of Classroom or 
Knight School. We usually close with KS so Classroom was up first. 
For those of you that don’t know, the premise of The Classroom is 
that I am the only person in this particular class. All the other 
students have dropped or don’t show up but the instructor keeps 
running the class as though it was full. Of course he goes through 
the entire roll call finally ending with my character’s
name, Zither. That’s the plot and I think you see what’s coming.

As Steve moved down the list, name by name, he called out the 
“personalized” names. All three people who were celebrating 
birthdays had their names added into the sketch. I know that 
they weren’t familiar with the sketch and we didn’t have the 
foresight to see this coming. One by one they came and sat in 
the empty chairs behind me. I watched as Steve continued to read 
the roll call… his eyes glazed… his mind racing. Every line of this 
sketch depends on there NOT being anyone else in class. We were 
screwed.

As he read out “Zither” and our eyes met I knew there was little hope.
The show must go on. I don’t know how we got through it. I don’t 
know why the audience loved it. It was some of the worst improv I’ve 
ever done or SEEN! We changed whole chunks of dialog to reflect that 
UNTIL TODAY Zither had been the only person in class. Steve made some 
references to them being drunk. He finished the sketch and the 
audience was none the wiser. The show carried on for another 
15 minutes. A huge success.

Needless to say I didn’t throw the names into Knight School.

- Eric