NEW WORLD ORDER OF ONION RINGS

By eric and dan

(Three men stand on one side of the stage. Three women stand on the other. Throughout the SKIT they move and talk in unison.)

MEN: Greetings work mates.

WOMEN: Greetings.

MEN: We have come to discuss the daily routine to find some common ground with you . We will then use that to create a surface relationship.

WOMEN: We are aware of your games. We will resist in order to push you into revealing more about yourselves.

MEN: We comply.

WOMEN: We will now concede to a relationship building conversation.

MEN: We make a mildly amusing quip.

WOMEN: We chuckle to stroke your ego.

MEN: We are lulled into a sense of security.

WOMEN: We know.

MEN: We would like to meet after work, using clever innuendo tempered with

tact. Notice our puppy dog eyes.

WOMEN: An after work meeting could be arranged at a neutral location.

MEN: We recommend dinner and a movie.

WOMEN: Dinner. No movie. Casual but respectable. Nothing ethnic, not yet. Bland but

interesting. We recommend Red Lobster.

MEN: Compromise affirmed.

WOMEN: We mention dancing.

MEN: We tap dance around the issue.

WOMEN: Nice moves.

MEN: Thank you.

WOMEN: Dancing denied.

VOICE FROM HEAVENS: They meet!! (Thick echo)

MEN: Awkward greeting.

WOMEN: Awkward greeting.

MEN: We make sarcastic remark about establishment to heighten our appeal as quick wits.

WOMEN: Objective failed. Remark is viewed as opinionated and self -righteous. We make remark

to counter yours.

MEN: Mistake is noted.

VOICE: The evening progresses.

MEN: We inquire as to what you are going to order.

WOMEN: We tell you.

MEN: We casually check the price.

WOMEN: We saw.

MEN: We think we are slick.

WOMEN: You are not.

VOICE: The evening ends.

MEN: Still uncertain as to your stance on kiss.

WOMEN: Still not certain as to your stance on "NO".

MEN: We thank you.

WOMEN: We thank you.

ALL: We drive off in separate cars and have the weekend to think about it.

MEN: We really liked her. Not sure what she thought of us.

WOMEN: It was much nicer than we thought it's be.

MEN: Should I call?

WOMEN: Should I call.

ALL: Rent a movie!

VOICE: Monday morning. 9 a.m.

MEN: Greetings .

WOMEN: Greetings.

MEN: Coffee?

WOMEN: Please.

MEN: Small talk

WOMEN: Small talk

MEN: We inquire as to your thoughts during the communication blackout.

WOMEN: We decide to be honest. We think you deserve at least that much.

MEN: We do.

WOMEN: Don't push it.

(LONG PAUSE)

VOICE: Connecting to honesty server….. Honesty not responding. Server could be down.

MEN: I have a lot of work.

WOMEN: This week's not really good for me.

VOICE: The flower of love is scorched by the lit fart of deception .

MEN: Goodbye work mate.

WOMEN: Goodbye.

VOICE: WWW. Humanity. COM . Put this in your favorite places.

SLOW FADE BLACK