PETS!

by Eric

 

 

LIGHTS UP

 

(MO and BEN are dressed like they should be in a Mountain Dew

commercial.)

 

MO:You're 28 years old. You feel trapped by a high tech

desk job. But you've got the money to feel free.

 

BEN:You snow board. You sky dive, rock climb bungee jump

and roller blade.

 

MO:You drink gallons of gourmet coffee and pop ginseng

tablets like they're pez.

 

BEN:You suck on mints that are strong enough to kill a good

size monkey.

 

MO:If you're a woman... you smoke cigars and emulate the

worst behavior of men.

 

BEN:You listen to industrial music like Prodigy and The

Chemical Brothers.

 

MO:You live fast and hard.

 

BEN:You are EXTREME!

 

BOTH:Extreme!!!

 

MO:But still there's a void in your adrenaline riddled

life.

 

BEN:You need a pet. An...

 

BOTH: EXTREME PET!

 

MO:Extreme pets!!!

 

BEN:Extreme pets!!

 

MO:We've got a parrot that can whomp your ass in racquetball.

 

BOTH: Extreme Pets!!

 

BEN:We've got gold fish specially bred to live in bong water.

 

BOTH: Extreme Pets!

 

MO:How about love birds that engage in tantric sex!?

 

BOTH: EXTREME PETS!

 

BEN:Anybody can have a pet!

 

MO:But not you. You need a pet that fits you.

 

BEN:Don't settle for a boring old domestic pet!

 

MO:You need...

 

BOTH: Extreme Pets!!

 

LIGHTS DOWN

 

ANNCR:Extreme Pets. From the makers of EXTREME GRANDPARENTS and EXTREME PAJAMAS!