Bulge Builder

by Steve

WOMAN 1

Hey, Renee! Who was that guy with the huge bulge in his pants I saw you with last night?

WOMAN 2

That was Bob, my old boyfriend.

WOMAN 1

You mean bulge-less Bob from college? No way! Where did he get that gorgeous bulge?

WOMAN 2

He’s been taking Bulge Builder! He says one simple pill at each meal, and then 10 more at bedtime, plus some simple tugging exercises and a little home surgery did the trick!

ANNOUNCER

That’s right! Bulge Builder is the simple method to increase the size of that inviting bulge in the pants that really attracts the ladies! No more padding, strap-ons, duct tape or sausages! No more embarrassing situations at the emergency room! The simple Bulge Builder method includes the pills, rack extender, scalpel and pressure clamps necessary to start you on your way to a bigger, better and bulgier bulge!

WOMAN 1

Don’t let him go this time, Renee! He’s hot! And the fun you’ll have with that huge dick!

WOMAN 2

Huh? Who said anything about his dick?

ANNOUNCER

Bulge Builder! Act now and get your 365-day guarantee. You’ll be bigger or we’ll be poorer! Start a new life in those discos and dance clubs with a bigger bulge! That’s right, buddy, you may not know what it is, but it’s real! That’s Bulge Builder, from Hu Du Biem!

(Caution. In some men, Bulge Builder may cause discomfort of the genitals, an itch in the crotch, testicle explosion, anal leakage, sexual dysfunction, skin lesions and complete loss of all body hair. Bulge Builder has been linked to cancer, increased risk of stroke and heart attack, and brain damage in some laboratory humans. Pregnant women are advised to stay at least three states away from Bulge Builder, even if it is contained in its bright yellow and black foil cautionary wrapper.)