GAG REFLEX ANTHOLOGY

written by

Janet "Pleasant Valley Sun" Day

Kris "Easy Cheese" Keef

Steven "The Hammer" Lord

Dale "Blow Me" Roe

Eric "Loose Vowels" Schwartz

1 MONTAGE - OUTSIDE THEATER - NIGHT 1

Cut from couples and single people all stating: "It was better

than CATS."

Eventually the edits become fast and furious until it becomes a

succession of : "CATS"

CUT TO:

PLACE KATZ SCENE HERE

He pops a videotape into his VCR.

Zoom in on screen as

CREDITS BEGIN.

DISSOLVE TO:

OPENING CREDITS

DISSOLVE TO:

BLACK SCREEN

KATZ (V.O)

While there is nothing like

a solo artist who can command

an audience, there is something

special about the chemistry

created by artists coming

together. There have been many

great groups throughout history.

CUT TO:

STILL PICTURE (COMPOSITE)

The picture contains Ralph Waldo Emerson, Ricki Lake and Arnold

Palmer.

KATZ (V.O)

(continuing)

Emerson, Lake and Palmer.

CUT TO:

STILL PICTURE (COMPOSITE)

Sean Penn and Edward Teller

KATZ (V.O)

(continuing)

Penn & Teller.

CUT TO:

STILL PICTURE (COMPOSITE)

Joe Louis and Martin Sheen.

KATZ (V.O.)

(continuing)

Martin and Lewis.

CUT TO:

STILL PICTURE (COMPOSITE)

Bob Shapiro, F.Lee Baily, Johnny Cochran, & Barry Sheck

KATZ (V.O)

(Continuing)

And of course...

CAPTION IN:

"THE VIOLENT FEMMES"

KATZ (V.O)

(continuing)

...The Violent Femmes.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. INTERVIEW - STEVE - CLOSE SHOT

STEVE

We knew right from the start

that the name of the group

was the key. The most important

thing. Having a good name is

half the battle. You know. So

we test marketed names, we ran

focus groups, uh...oh we developed

a short list which we used...uh...

to develop a survey. There was

nothing left to chance.

Steve sips coffee.

KATZ (V.O.)

Many names were tried..

Steve puts the cup down and folds his hands.

He sighs and smiles.

DISSOLVE TO:

CAPTION IN:

MONTAGE OF GROUP NAME LOGO HEADS

"Spock's Minions"

"Four Guys & Two Chicks"

KATZ (V.O.)

Some were deemed too esoteric...

CAPTION IN:

"Laugh, Dammit!"

"Testicular Cancer Comedy Theater"

"Jerry's Kids"

KATZ (V.O.)

Some demanded too much of the audience...

CAPTION IN:

"Boils"

"Up With People!"

"...(the group formerly known as Boils)"

KATZ (V.O.)

Others were victims of bad timing...

CAPTION IN:

"Slapstick!"

KATZ (V.0.)

And others just weren't funny...

FADE TO BLACK

KATZ (V.0.)

And some just didn't pull in the crowds.

FADE IN:

INT. COMEDY CLUB - NIGHT - HOME VIDEO SHOT

Steve paces.

The others are seated on the stage in front of an empty house.

They all glare at Steve.

STEVE

I don't get it. I thought

this was the cleverest name

yet. I don't know why nobody

came.

KRIS

Was "Hello Larry" on tonight?

ERIC

Was our name on the marquee?

DALE

(eyes locked on Steve)

Sure was. Big as life.

CUT TO:

EXT. ESTABLISHING SHOT - OUTSIDE CLUB - MARQUEE

Marquee reads;

TONIGHT!

"CLOSED FOR REPAIRS!"

CUT TO:

INT. DALE - INTERVIEW - CLOSE SHOT

DALE

Steve's full of crap.

CUT TO:

INT. STEVE

STEVE

Oh...you wouldn't believe

the time, the effort, the

people involved....

CUT TO:

INT. DALE

DALE

Don't believe a word that

idiot says.

CUT TO:

INT. STEVE

STEVE

The craftsmanship...I can

honestly say that the

search for our name...

..was..the...greatest show

business effort since the

search...um...for Scarlett

O'Hara.

Steve leans back.

INSERT

GRAINY BLACK AND WHITE CLOSE UP - STEVE'S EYES

BACK TO SCENE

STEVE

(Continuing)

I'm serious.

CUT TO:

INT. DALE

DALE

He said what?! Look! We

had no name, we had auditions

coming up, I needed something

for the letter head. Steve was

drunk...and he puked all over

my dog. I said, "Nice gag reflex

stupid." Voila! our name was born.

CUT TO:

INT. STEVE

INTERVIEWER (O.C.)

Um...Dale said you puked on his

dog.

Steve averts his eyes from the camera.

INSERT

EXTREME CLOSE UP - SWEAT ON STEVE'S BROW

BACK TO SCENE

STEVE

That's...kind of a demographic

study.

CAMERA moves off him.

INTERVIEWER (O.C.)

Uh huh.

STEVE (O.S.)

Well, it's input. It's

just really...subtle.

FADE TO BLACK

CAPTION IN:

"GAG REFLEX"

KATZ (V.O.)

Once the name was in place,

Steve and Dale had to build

a cast of talented people.

It was time for auditions...

CAPTION OUT.

FADE IN

DALE - INTERVIEW

DALE

...For the auditions we really

wanted people to be comfortable.

I mean, the whole "you can't see

us but we can see you thing" really

unnerves people. So we wanted to try

a variety of venues for the auditions...

DISSOLVE TO:

BASEMENT REC-ROOM - NIGHT (HOME VIDEO)

Steve, Dale and several EXTRAS sit around a table.

DALE

Okay. We'd like you to fill out

these questionnaires. One I need

serious answers for, the other...

STEVE

...just run with it.

CUT TO:

STEVE - INTERVIEW

STEVE

Um... the first audition

didn't go....well.

CUT TO:

REC -ROOM

CLOSE SHOT (SHAKY CAM)- VAPID YOUNG ACTRESS

Leans in to Dale.

ACTRESS

What'd you mean...um...

run with it?

DALE

Just be goofy. Have fun

with it.

ACTRESS

Fun? Do you want me to

have fun or do you want

me to run with it?

Dale stares at her.

CUT TO:

WILLIAM "TOAST" PETERSON

faces camera.

TOAST

I have dedicated my life

to extrapolating, through the

arts the complicated and

(chuckles breathlessly)

sometimes zany world of

macro-economics.

(laughs vigorously)

CUT TO:

STEVE AND DALE

sit crumpled on a sofa . They exchange glances.

CUT TO:

DALE AND VAPID YOUNG ACTRESS

ACTRESS

Goofy... Do you want a

kind of falling on your

knees, drooling on your

clown shoes goofy. Or more

of a.... cerebral...Chekhov

goofy?

DALE

Goofy...goofy. You know...

GOOFY!

ACTRESS

Oh! You mean a Kafka-derivative

anarchy relying heavily on the

adrenalin induced bipolar battle

between the Ego, the super Ego

and the Id. Cool.

DALE

Whatever. Just make it under

two minutes.

CUT TO:

JOEY CALGON

JOEY

Okay I got dis sketch. Okay

Any VD clinic. Your run of the

mill kind. This guy in a turban

stttrrrrrolllls in covered in

lesions. You with me? Get it

lesions. So the day nurse says

"..the hell happened to you?"

And LESION MAN says "Hey! I had

to wear da turban. I lost my hat."

Get it?! I think LESION MAN's a

keeper. He should be in every show.

CUT TO:

DALE AND STEVE

SAD MUSIC PLAYS

Dale has his face in his hands. A soggy tissue pokes out between

his fingers.

Steve comforts him.

STEVE

It's okay. Just keep it together.

DALE

I... can't. I can't

STEVE

We'll find somebody. I swear.

I need you here! Now! Man.

Don't crumble on me dude.

ERIC (O.S.)

Is this auditions for Gag Reflex?

NEEDLE SCRATCHES ACROSS RECORD

Steve and Dale whip their heads in the direction of the voice.

ERIC

Eric stands with a guitar around his neck.

ERIC

I have a strong comic background.

I write. I sing. I act. And I work for

free.

CUT TO:

COUCH - A SECOND LATER

Eric sits confused on the couch. Steve is shoving a cigar in

Eric's mouth. Dale is taking Eric's shoes off and giving him a

foot massage.

STEVE

Can I get you a refreshment.

Coke? Coffee? Mineral water?

Some oooorrrooonnngggg tea

perhaps?

DALE

You don't think lesions are funny

do you?

CUT TO:

KATZ OFFICE - (ALA A&E BIOGRAPHY LEAD OUT)

Katz walks around the desk and sits on the near edge.

KATZ

It took a lot of effort but

after finding Eric Schwartz

the group really began to

gel. Steve and Dale's dreams

were becoming reality. They

soon picked up Janet Day and

Kris Keef . When we return,

the first shows and the

explosion of Gagmania that

followed.

FADE TO BLACK

A FEW MOMENTS OF BLACKNESS

AND THEN..... PLACE "THAT FREAKIN' AUSSIE" HERE

FADE TO BLACK

BLACKNESS

ERIC (V.O)

What I love about Reflex is

the exciting...maelstrom of

influences.

FADE IN

ERIC - INTERVIEW

ERIC

(continuing)

I mean... going all the way

back to Gracie Allen with Kris,

to much more contemporary

character based humor, like

SNL or SCTV with Janet. We are,

in essence, a hybrid , a splicing

of comedy genes, if you will.

CUT TO:

INT. ERIC'S APARTMENT .

Eric sits, several large books open. He reads vigorously and jots

down some notes.

ERIC (V.O.)

Before you can even think

about being funny...you have to

study and know what funny is.

I've actually had people say to me

"Hey. This isn't brain surgery y'know."

And I answer back to them; "You're

right. It's harder. I mean all a

brain surgeon does is cut his way in.

We can't do that. We've got to get

in there...um...through sheer will and

stage presence and language.

CUT TO:

ERIC - INTERVIEW

Eric leans back.

ERIC

That's harder.

CUT TO:

JANET - INTERVIEW

JANET

...no it's basic. I mean...

this isn't brain surgery.

INTERVIEWER

Now, Eric said that he feels

that what Reflex does is harder

than brain surgery.

Janet leans up and cuts off the interviewer.

JANET

(emphatically)

You gotta understand. Eric's

...a geek. A comedy GEEK. He's

good. But, a..a...geek.

CUT TO:

KRIS - INTERVIEW

KRIS

Oh... I wouldn't call him

a ...geek. PER SE. He's

well .... um....

CUT TO:

DALE © INTERVIEW

DALE

Of course he's a geek. What is

this, a debate? Like there's two

sides to this? He's a classic

comedy geek. Don't ever watch Monty

Python with him - he says every line

two seconds before they do.

CUT TO:

STEVE - INTERVIEW

STEVE

See, this is where I often disagree

with everyone else ... I see him

more as a comedy dweeb.

CUT TO:

KRIS - INTERVIEW

KRIS

Well, he's, um ... gee ... he's

nice, you know?

CUT TO:

ERIC - INTERVIEW

ERIC

You have to understand, there is

a certain amount of jealousy here,

not unlike what Kovacs or Berle or

Hope or even Lewis went through in

their careers. I expect it. I

understand it. Also, in character

study, geek works.

CUT TO:

KRIS - INTERVIEW

KRIS

Who's kidding who © he's a geek.

GEEK!

CUT TO:

FREEZE FRAME OF ERIC

TITLE "GEEK!" APPEARS

OVER HIS FACE

FADE OUT

FADE IN

JANET - INTERVIEW

JANET

Everyone assumes Doris is my

mother, or someone I knew in my

life. I would like to set that

straight. She came to me in a dream...

INTERVIEWER

A dream. That's something ...

JANET

Oh, yeah! She appeared in a dream.

Unlike anything I've ever seen or

known. And a voice came to me, and said,

"Be Doris." So I did.

CUT TO:

FADE IN SCHLOCKMAN CONNECTION

FILM CLIP

CUT TO:

DALE - INTERVIEW

DALE

Ah, yes, the Schlockman dream

story ... it's a Gag Reflex

legend now.

CUT TO:

ERIC - INTERVIEW

ERIC

See, I'm skeptical about dream-related

comedy, although you do find a basis

for it in British surrealist comedy ...

CUT TO:

JANET PARENTS INTERVIEW

TITLE: "DELORES AND MILTON DAY. JANET'S PARENTS"

IRVING

Is this about that comdey

thing she does? Better known

as the big waste of time?

DORIS

I'll tell it. She had a promising

future as a stenographer. Marry a

rich man I told her. Are there

rich men in comedy? What about

this Jim Carrey? He makes an ass

of himself in public.

(Turns to Irving)

You do that! Where's my butler?

Where's my BMW, tubby?!

IRVING

Where's my gun.

CUT TO:

JANET - INTERVIEW

JANET

They say that what you dream

comes from your life. But Doris

was so far from anything that

I had experienced that the only

explaination I have is that Doris

was a vision...

FADE IN : "DRIVING MISS CRAZY "

SILENT AND SLOW MOTION

JANET

(slight echo)

...a divine vision.

SLOW FADE

BLACKNESS

KRIS' MOM (V.O.)

Kris always seemed destined for

the stage...

FADE IN:

KRIS' MOM - INTERVIEW

KRIS'S MOM

She was forever on our porch

at night...(chuckles) singing

at the top of her lungs. Just

nonsense like it was opera. That's

how she met the man who was going

to be her husband. Poor Jerry was

the paperboy. He was so shy.

CUT TO:

HOME VIDEO - LITTLE KRIS

Little Kris belts out some jibberish opera.

Zoom in on bushes across street.

Little Jerry stares eerily from the grassy knoll. (bushes)

CUT TO:

KRIS'S MOM - INTERVIEW

KRIS' MOM

It went on like that for quite

a while until finally he had the

nerve to speak to her.

CUT TO:

HOME VIDEO - PRESENT DAY

Present day Kris on the same porch belting out the same jibberish

opera.

Zoom in on bushes across the street.

Adult Jerry, unshaven, stares eeriely from the bushes. (grassy

knoll)

CLOSE SHOT - KRIS, DREAMY EYED, SINGING WITH ABANDON

CUT TO:

MEDIUM SHOT - JERRY SLOUCHING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET

CUT TO:

MEDIUM SHOT - KRIS' GAZE FALLS ON JERRY. SHE ABRUPTLY STOPS

SINGING.

CUT TO:

MEDIUM SHOT - JERRY STANDS AT THE EDGE OF THE YARD

DISSOLVE TO:

ESTABLISHING SHOT - THEIR EYES LOCKED

MUSIC SWELLS

DISSOLVE TO:

MEDIUM SHOT - JERRY AND KRIS , STANDING SHOULDER TO SHOULDER

STARING INTO THE VOID. (AMERICAN GOTHIC) (grassy knoll)

KRIS' MOM (V.O.)

They were a match made in

heaven...

CUT TO:

KRIS' MOM - INTERVIEW

KRIS' MOM

The doctors say that next

week Jerry may talk.

INTERVIEWER

What exactly does this have

to do with Gag Reflex?

KRIS' MOM

Well...nothing.

DISSOLVE TO:

SKETCH CLIP MONTAGE

KATZ (V.O.)

The groundwork was in place.

The momentum was building.

And the cast was in tip top

shape. The early audiences

took to the Reflex brand of

humor with abandon.

They began drawing bigger

and bigger houses until

they began to suffer under

the weight of their own

popularity.

DISSOLVE TO:

STEVE - INTERVIEW

STEVE

It was starting to get...

unwieldy. There's one story

in particular that I'll never

forget.. It was after a club

show in Algonquin. Dale was having

a rum and coke after the show.

Just trying to relax you know...

CUT TO:

KRIS - INTERVIEW

KRIS

(continuing story)

This... Gag-nut... all decked

out in the Tour shirt and cap

almost jumps Dale at the bar

and threatens his life.

CUT TO:

ERIC - INTERVIEW

ERIC

This guy was nuts. He told

Dale some garbage about them

making people laugh in the

afterlife. And then he

pulls out this knife. Not unlike

what happened to Peter Sellers

on December 14 19...

CUT TO:

JANET - INTERVIEW

JANET

Luckily, Dale being quick tells

the guy that he's actually Jason

Alexander and the guy backed off and

apologized.

CUT TO:

STILL BLACK AND WHITE PICTURE

ANDREW BRADLEY HYNDE stands with a rifle and a Gag Reflex poster.

Remarkably similar to the damning photo of Lee Harvey Oswald.

KATZ (V.O.)

The would-be assassin was

Andrew Bradley Hynde. A glass

blower from Woodfield. He

was later arrested and convicted

of aggravated double parking. He died in

prison sometime later.

THE PICTURE FADES AND IS REPLACED WITH A NEWSPAPER ARTICLE

FEATURING A GROUP PHOTO OF RELFEX AND THE HEADLINE:

"BREATHER FOR REFLEX AS NUTBALL CACKS IT"

KATZ (V.O)

(continuing)

Reflex breahted a sigh of relief

but they began to realize that

the carefree days of Reflex were